THE CONFUSED FOREIGNER I must tell you about the extra help I have been getting on Saturdays. My daughter’s boyfriend Michael (some of you would have met him at the IGNITE show in May) has been helping me out for the last year, but it has been rather amusing regarding the customers. He was born in Switzerland but went to school in Minnesota, USA, so naturally people ask “oh where are you from, with that accent?” and when he replies “Switzerland” the confused looks on their face is classic, and just to be really cruel he doesn’t always enhance on that. I love it! He is a quick learner and has picked up very quickly how the shop runs, and his favourite items to sell are cigars (mine too). But fear not, he does get paid - in potatoes and recently the occasional bread roll, and I’m not going to emphasise to you all why. So, thank you Michael, and keep up the good work! And maybe we could look at eggs next. HEALTH WARNINGS We have this really old boy that comes in about once a month, and Dad served him recently. I could hear them chatting and I was in bits with what he was saying. “If it says smoking kills well, why aren’t I dead yet? And they say smoking causes impotence, well I have a daughter. I have been smoking since I was 16 and I’m 88 now, they have been lying to me all this time!” I mean, what do you say to that? THE DOUGHNUTS Early in the summer, the shop next door to us was finally opened as an Atheistic’s (facials, botox etc). Now straight away she fell out with the nail shop next door to her. It was all over parcels (the nail shop did not want to take them in for her), and they had a big bust up over it. Personally, I think you should keep in with your neighbours if possible, so I happily agreed to step up to the mark. Well, she was so grateful that over the next 3 weeks, as a thank you she bought me 30 Crispy Crème doughnuts (I’ve had many more since). Here’s the thing though, I can’t stand them, but haven’t the heart to tell her. The majority of them Gemma has taken into work and the rest are in my freezer, so if any of you are in the area and fancy a doughnut you know where to come.